Going through a divorce is never going to be easy, but it can certainly be made a lot worse if you are unnecessarily hostile with your ex-partner. Of course it’s difficult to remain friends or even friendly with someone following a breakup because chances are that it was some kind of nasty disagreement that drove you apart in the first place. When you’re married you aren’t going to want to go through the ordeal of splitting, meaning it’s normally something rather drastic that forces you apart.
But staying civil is important for the good of everyone. There’s no point in dragging out a painful experience, and especially if you have children who could get caught in the crossfire. Read on and we’ll look at how to bury the hatchet as best as possible.
Up until this point you will likely have been shouting and arguing and generally passing blame every way as you try and work out what has happened and as you lash out at the person you see as responsible. This is understandable and normal, but now that you’ve agreed to separate there is no need to argue and debate. It may well be ‘their’ fault or ‘your’ fault, but ultimately it’s just an unfortunate situation that neither of you would want to be in. Make the decision now then together to go through with the divorce and to act rationally until it’s over. Once everything is over then you can start yelling again if you so choose.
This should go without saying, but if you want your divorce to go smoothly then you shouldn’t be petty about things that don’t really matter. Who gets the dog, who gets the house and who gets the children will all be emotional and painful discussions, but who gets the television? Does it really matter? Sacrifice these small things and see that as an opportunity to start fresh with a clean slate. Likewise, ask yourself honestly who will benefit more from each decision and be fair. That way you will stand a better chance of them being fair to you.
Also important is to use a divorce lawyer. Not only will they help you to stand the best chance of getting a fair deal and of keeping your belongings, but they will also act as an ambassador for you and argue on your behalf. This in turn means you won’t need to get nasty personally with your partner, so you can avoid a nasty argument. Why not let the professionals sort it out?
Children will always present the most difficult decisions during a divorce and can lead to many parents fighting. In fact though children should have the opposite effect of uniting you. For both of you the priority should be their happiness, so decide together what the best decisions are for them and think about how you can work together to ensure the best outcome for them.